I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
