just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
