You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I looked at my own cervix.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
