I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize