It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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