haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This baby is an asshole
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
