I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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