it hurts more in the daytime
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
