Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
4 words: hood of his car
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize