saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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