woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
