i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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