Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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