What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Boobs speak an international language.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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