dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
