Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
