Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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