if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
