Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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