Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
