dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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