God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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