was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize