It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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