Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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