also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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