i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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