please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i think i have two assholes
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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