Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
