I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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