you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
