i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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