its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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