I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
