scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
