No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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