How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
