the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
