id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
