if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
