Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
organizing the empties. That sober.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
