doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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