They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
