i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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