I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
