i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
