fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
