Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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