im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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