she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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