a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your cock deserves a montage
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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