Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
