why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
