this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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