if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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