that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
