that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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