she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
