I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
