she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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