I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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