i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
