I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
