I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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