Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
