k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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