officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The uberlube is also flammable
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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