Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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