I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
