Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
