So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
