her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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