I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
