my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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