I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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