ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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