ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
