I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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