I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
