In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
