dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
