Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
