if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
