For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
